Fragile Heart

I stayed at home today, didn't go to school. I was enjoying my day, I studied watched tv and did nothing. I was using my mother's phone and saw a message which she sent to R. Well the thing is, last week Wednesday after R and I broke up I didn't go home, I went drinking by myself and then my friend came and met me. I didn't speak to my parents and neither they or R knew where I was. R tried calling but I missed the call and didn't call back. I knew he would ensure I get home if he knew where I was and I just didn't want to go home. Apparantly he kept tallking to my parents to find out if I'm home or not and I only realised this today, since the message she sent him said 'No, do not call her again.' How can she tell him don't call me again??? I wish he would call me so badly, I wish I could just see him in my yard or just be with him again. I found myself oddly sad due to his absence today. It's affecting me a lot today and I really want to call him, but I won't. I know to myself that I shouldn't. I wish things was easier, I wish there was a easy way for all of this to be over and things could restore themselves to old existence. I'm so emotional today, it sucks. I think I picked the worst day to stay home. Being alone is not helping my situation in any way possible. The ironic part is that as sad as I am, I just have this instinctual feeling that everything will be better soon. I'm sitting here crying, while smiling, because I just know that it will get better. I'm not sure if it will get better in terms of me being alone or R and I having another chance, but I know something good will happen soon. Not as quickly as I want it, but it will happen. Even though I always knew I luv him, I am actually realising that I luv him way more than I knew and we would be good one day....Just not sure when. Hope its not to late though. But everything happens for a reason right???